


Embarrassment So Secondhand, Macklemore Wrote a Rap About It

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-02
Updated: 2014-09-02
Packaged: 2018-02-15 22:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2244855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>HSWC Bonus Round 2 fill.</p><p>"Dave/John</p><p>Pena Ajena (Spanish): Shame experienced on behalf of another person, even though that person may not experience shame. Otherwise known as secondhand embarrassment."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Embarrassment So Secondhand, Macklemore Wrote a Rap About It

"Yo, yo yo. Yo.  
Wiki wiki.  
My name is John and I'm here to say.  
I'm the king of pranks and I'll ruin your day.  
Put a bucket of water up atop of your door.  
Yeah I'll drench all your clothes and ruin your floor.  
Uh. Money money for the honeys, bitches and hos.  
Got rims on my car and kicks on my feet... toes.  
Been shot ten times, don't know who pulled the trigger.  
Now take it, Dave, my one true--"

"No. No. Nope." Dave rubbed his temples. "No. Nope. The thing you were about to say. Not happening. No."

"What? I'm rapping, Dave! It is what rappers say! I'm street!"

"You're not street! I'm not even street and you are like, seven levels of street below me. You are a fucking cul-de-sac."

"Yeah, because I have mad sack."

"John, please stop talking. Do you hear yourself?" Dave's cheeks burned. This was humiliating. Dave was humiliated. Dave didn't even do anything humiliating, but Egbert was so critically embarrasing.

"Yes, I hear myself! I'm the rap master. The prank master and rap master."

"You can't do that in public."

"No, Dave, come on, open mic is tomorrow and you said you would do this with me. It's going to be great. I've got the, uh, the dopest of flows. That's my rap name. Heavy Flow. I was going to go with DJ Venkman, but--"

"Heavy Flow. John you are officially a tampon."

"Ew! Gross, Dave! That is so gross!"

"You wish you were one. That is the only way you will even get near a vagina. Not with those raps."

"Whaaaaat!" John did the suburban white dad attempt at some gang sign. "My rhymes are ill!"

"You're ill. You're so ill someone should take you behind a barn and shoot you. Jesus, Egbert. Let me call up Jade. Maybe she can mail me a rifle. Is that allowed? Can you mail those?"

"Dave. I'm the prankmaster. Not the postmaster. Pffft!" John stifled a laugh.

Dave, on the other hand, clutched his cheeks. "Aaaaagh, John, you are a shit! Why can you not hear the things falling out of your mouth? Is your capacity for shame switched off? I'm serious!"

"Hi, Serious. I'm John."

No one knows what happened to Dave at that point. Some say he somehow discovered teleportation and he sent himself far away. Others say that the secondhand embarrassment was so much that he literally burst into nothingness. Still others say he went back in time, and won't stop until he puts an end to John's horrible rein of dad jokes.


End file.
